Love and Money
It's commonly known that the top two questions asked of card readers and psychics are about love and money. Apparently, many of us still base our satisfaction, fulfillment and security on the external presence of these two things. It's also commonly understood that external circumstances are not what bring lasting satisfaction, fulfillment and security. And yet, here we are, so easily tempted to return to seeking love and security from outside ourselves.
"Why shouldn't i be able to have what i want? This is my life, i'm God (or a child or part of God), and i deserve to be comfortable and safe. I deserve to have things the way i want them." We usually call this type of thing "entitlement" and see it as less-than-mature behavior. In the extreme, we see it as the arrogant, self-important, narcissistic ravings of a spoiled child.
If you think about it, it makes sense that the only place of security we have is with our self. We are the only tangible thing we can count on to always be with us, no matter what, for our entire life. Everyone and everything else changes, moves, dies, breaks, etc. Given the reality of this, the only source of love we can realistically rely on is our self. Love from others is nothing to sneeze at but we can't realistically rely on it.
So, why do we feel so driven to search for what we need outside us? Perhaps because we're not able to feel enough love and security from ourselves. It can be easy to imagine what feeling enough love from ourselves is but what does "feeling enough security from ourselves" mean? Perhaps we can sum up security as "knowing that we're safe". We feel safe when we know that we're not in danger.
The challenge with trying to create security on the outside is that we don't have much control over what happens out there. It all changes. We can't guarantee safety. It's always a gamble. "There is no external security, only the illusion of security" and all that. Many of us try to find security through relationships, which is a cool idea, though most of us choose an inappropriate person to do it with; namely anyone other than ourselves. You know, the only realistically reliable one.
Perhaps feeling secure is like feeling loved, held, cared for and looked after. Perhaps it's knowing that no matter what happens we will always be loved, held, cared for and looked after. There's only one person we can realistically expect to be available for that: ourselves.
Feeling self-love and companionship when things are easy is one thing. What happens when the usually-stable structure of our lives is upset? What happens when our sense of security is messed with because we lose our job, our home, our spouse or whatever? What happens when our survival is threatened? How much self-love and companionship does it take for us to feel safe - to know that we're not in danger - no matter what happens? A whole hell of a lot, as far as i can tell. That's some serious self-intimacy we're talkin' about.
What's the worst thing you can imagine happening to you? Now imagine how much self-love and self-care it would take for you to go through that experience feeling satisfied, fulfilled and safe. Sometimes it seems to me that this is the holy grail each of us is seeking every minute of every day whether we know it or not. At the root of all our other desires is our longing to be at peace, content and secure - home.
Our religions and media are filled with saviors and heroes who are somehow able to find or retain their dignity, self-respect and self-security in the face of anything - not because of their status in society or whatever but because somehow the war inside them has ended and they're now at home with themselves... And they know that nothing can hurt them. This is why we're so drawn to them. They've found the holy grail.
Most of us look everywhere we can for this sense of home except the one place we can find it: right where we are, wherever we are. There is no place to go, nothing to fix, nothing to attain. What we long for most we can only get from ourselves... and we can only get it right here, right now.
Sure, many of us are still hoping that we won't have to go there to get our needs met. We keep seeking the treasure outside us or in the future, even though we're exhausted from the effort, even though it never seems to be enough, even though we never reach our goal, even though our inner war continues... we keep trying.
Why? I don't know. Maybe because we don't have much training, modeling or support to do something different: to boldly go nowhere... and be... with... our self. This is all it takes (and how much it takes) for you to have all the love, satisfaction and security that you long for: Being with you. You is all you've got and all you'll ever have. Everything else is just passing through. Who in their right mind would expect to feel a sense of lasting satisfaction, fulfillment or security from anything that's just passing through? Hello?
Why would we look everywhere but the one place we know we'll find what we're longing for? Each of us knows the answer to that one. Don't kid yourself. We deliberately turn away. We refuse to face ourselves. Why?
We are the only one who knows. It's a secret we share with no one but ourselves.