i wonder about fear
4-10-06
Open, tender wonder.
Closed, hard fear.
Why do i find it difficult
to choose between them?
What am i afraid of?
Feeling?
Not being in control?
Being torn asunder?
Being more affected by life than i can manage?
Do i still believe that there's something in me to protect?
What i would protect
is what i want to hold onto.
What i want to hold onto
is what life is taking away.
What life is taking away
is what's not me.
Life isn't taking away me
it's taking what's not me.
Not "me",
"not me".
What happens in my life is like gravity:
i can hold myself against it
or i can dance with it with relaxed grace, strength and abandon.
What would be so bad about
being more affected by life than i can manage?
Isn't that what i long for?
To be so taken by life
that i'm no longer in control?